Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Great Sugar Buzz

Face it, you get all costumed up because you make the kids and pets look adorable in their expensive, uncomfortable get-ups and you can take a whole memory card full of poses that will embarrass them for the rest of their natural lives. The adults do so in order to get away with lewd and innebriated behavior at the various parties around town.

Ooooo...spooky! Where I'm from, in wasn't uncommon to have snow on Halloween, so not only did a kid have to wear the world's best costume, but also had to wear cold weather gear underneath. What good is a cape and a big red S when it's zipped under a big coat? As soon as you were out the door, the costume became unimportant. It was all about the stash of candy you were about to collect, therefore the entire idea of scaring anyone or anything was far from your mind. It had been all about pleasing the parents for the pictures before they went out after you got back.

By the time you got home, your costume looked like it had been accosted by every dog in the neighborhood, but your sack of goodies glittered like jewels on the kitchen table. Then the candy police who looked a lot like your parents sorted through all the stuff they didn't trust for you to consume. It was strangely coincidental that it was all the stuff they liked.

Then you dug in. You spent the rest of the night being unable to sleep and having your belly snarl at you with the wide variety of gut-bombs you inhaled for fear a sibling would steal your stash during the night.

No one felt very good the next day, so I'm thinking that is where the whole idea of ghosts and goblins really came from. After a day or two the candy magically disappeared and the parents post-party flu followed soon after. The ghoulies struck again!

What am I doing for Halloween this year? I'm sickin' Lily the Terrorist on them and whoever outruns her will get to keep their can of Dr. Pepper. I just hope they let it settle a bit before they trying opening it after all that running!


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